I thought I didn't stim, at first.
That's not what I do, it's just fidgeting.
(I am not sure I like the word stim to begin with. It hurts my brain. It's sharp and broken like a bottle used in a bar fight. With the -ing on it, it is much nicer, though. Stimming. Much nicer sound to it. Much more regular and relaxed. And flapping. I don't mind that word at all. Happy flappy. I suppose it's a little more specific, but I think I like that word better. Much much better. I'll generally use that one instead, I think.)
But then I thought about what I did, and watched some home videos and watched myself. I talked to my boyfriend. I talked to my family. I thought about my actions.
I was always in movement.
When I sit, I bounce my leg or flap my knees (if sitting criss cross). Some of my college classes had spinny chairs, and I would spin back and forth in them (not all the way around, because that would be hard to pay attention, but a couple inches to either side) during class. And those may have been the classes I did best at. (I did have to sit by people I knew, though, because I would accidentally sometimes knock into the person next to me and it wasn't a good thing to do with strangers).
I like to flap my fingers. Well, its more of a wiggle. I do it when I'm looking for something that I can't search through and touch every object (to keep me on track and remember what I'm looking for).
I have a tendency when waiting to pace. If I'm talking to someone, I'll often walk in circles around them. Or if I'm standing still i.e. not enough room to pace, I'll swing my arms and twist my body. (I got yelled at in Rome for that, I think, but it was in Italian, so I'm not really sure). If I am in a crowded place with not a lot of room, wiggling my fingers and twisting my wrists simultaneously is almost as good as swinging them.
In loud, overwhelming situations I put my arms up. Right by my faces. I went to school dances for years like this. (I'm not sure why I kept going, except I like dressing up and I couldn't think of any other excuse to dress up and take pictures.) I think that's because I want to cover my ears, but I've been trained not to, but I'm not quite ok enough to put them down because I might need to cover them.
I have excited bounces and flaps.
When I go on hikes, I like to carry rocks in my hands. I like to carry things with me in general. My phone. Rocks. I carried rocks in my pockets or hands all through high school (our uniform fleece had such lovely large pockets perfect for rocks). I really like rocks.
I love spinning and twirling. That's my favorite part of dancing. The spinning. It was the best part of the tire swing too.
Rocking chairs are my favorite.
I'm generally a happy, bouncy, flappy autistic me.
EDIT: AND NOW AUTISTICOOK HAS CREATED A STIMLIST WHICH IS AWESOME AND YOU SHOULD SEE IT OR CONTRIBUTE!
UPDATE ON THE EDIT: NOW THE STIMLIST HAS ITS OWN WEBSITE!
Labels: autism, autistic?, me, stimming