TW: Bullying, or close-to-bullying mentions and descriptions. I hesitate to call it bullying because I've read what has happened to other people, and I feel like this is nowhere at all on the same order of magnitude. It also isn't really about bullying, but there are probably bits of bully-like behavior discussed in it.
Also, this is basically what happens after my last post. All about high school this time. I suppose it is School part II.
High school was tricky, because it was so wonderful in so many ways. Compared to middle school, there were new people and so many other people who were interested in school. My high school had a good academic atmosphere and it wasn't uncool to be smart. I had one good friend and several other people I ate lunch with. Most of the kids in my AP classes were pretty awesome, and even if I wasn't friends with them and didn't really hang out with them except in class, they would always tell me when we had tests that morning and about random fun things in life. And actually I am still friends with some of these people even though I wasn't then (one of the other girls went to my college and we ended up being super good friends even though we didn't really hang out in high school.)
There were also some strange, weird, bad parts though. There was change and long hours away from home. There were the required Peer Counseling group sessions and emotional retreat things where we were supposed to cry a lot. Or at least everyone else did. And while mostly everyone was nice to me, and talked to me, there were a few strange instances.
(I haven't still figured out what I thought about high school enough to write all of it down in real sentences).
In high school, someone came and told me and my friend that she no longer wanted to be friends with us. That was just mostly confusing. It seemed a bit unnecessary... It was also awkward, since we carpooled.
Although I was told by my friend who was more aware of things than I was
(she told me sometime after freshman year of college)
that the other people we sat with
social activities even
apparently they made fun of us too
to our faces no less
and I never noticed
and she did
but didn't tell me because she thought I picked up on it
(it was obvious apparently)
I just thought I was funny
and that was why they were laughing
sometimes I was confused by why they were laughing
but sometimes people think of funny things in their mind and start laughing
apparently I didn't know enough
about the world
(I knew enough about drinking. I knew that I have alcholism from every side of the family and so I bet iIam genetically predisposed to become addicted. There was no way I was drinking in high school.)
Not that I knew where these places that drinking went on were.
I did go to Prom senior year.
I took my friend's younger brother.
He was one of 5 boys I talked to.
One of 3 I wasn't related to.
The only one over the age of 10.
(It was loud and I stayed in the hallway most of the time that I could.)
I went to an all girls school and only talked about my classes.
But I had such lovely classes.
And now my friend is off to med school and I'm off to grad school.
And we have no more classes in common to talk about.
And she is still fun and I am still fun but I don't know how to talk.
And people were nice to me in school.
Most people were nice to me in school.
Why would people not be nice?
I was the "guardian angel of AP Biology." I made 4 page double column typed study guides before every test and shared with everyone. I would always combine and compile whenever we needed class data...even, yes, if it involved phone calling. I would proofread and offer suggestions on any paper anyone wanted me to read. (I still do for some people I barely knew in high school, because they ask me to. And really, I love proofreading.) I was helpful.
I like being helpful.
I joined stage crew for school plays and helped run the lighting booth. That was a lot of fun (and the reason I know most of the words to Grease and Thoroughly Modern Millie).
I ran track senior year (but only because my sister did and I couldn't go home anyway) and while I was absolutely horrendous, the coach was amazing.
I liked high school, overall.
It's just a lot trickier to process because there were good bits and bad bits mixed in. And some things that I thought were good have been sneakily undermined. But I think I was generally happy while I was there. It was so much better than middle school.
And it was so much better than it could have been.
Labels: asperger's, autism, disability, emotions, fitting in, me, ramblings, sports, when I was younger