They said they couldn't tell if I was autistic
because I was raised in a good environment
and went to a small school
and no birthday parties
a handful of very carefully chosen friends
middle school is tough for everyone
So yes I am so so so infinitely glad that my parents are wonderful
and that they raised me so well
but I'm confused how I can be so autistic now
And I'm good at repressing
And secrets
And hiding
(I never told anyone things that were wrong)
(I knew they were wrong, so why did I need to tell them?)
And still--with no official paper
I feel like I can't really tell
They have no reason to believe me
That I'm more than just an introvert
autistic autistic autistic
Now it is just an unofficial secret
I found a new world
Full of new people and vocabulary
stimming
echolalia
Selective mutism
executive dysfunction
Everytime I struggle
I wonder if there was a reason they couldn't tell
and maybe I'm not trying hard enough
life is hard for everyone
How can they tell
that everyone isn't autistic?Labels: asperger's, autism, autistic?, echolalia, emotions, fitting in, my brain, poetry, theory of mind