The best part about summer is swimming.
(The worst part of summer is the heat.)
Swimming is my favorite.
I can swim for hours.
I swim oddly. I don't do laps.
I love to jump up and down in the pool. Swim to the bottom and jump up. Twist and spin on the way up. I can spend hours and hours, jumping and spinning. Touch the bottom, up for air. I will do this for hours, until my skin is so prune-y my hands feel funny, or I am driven from the water by hunger.
In swimming, you can be in your own world.
Underwater, you can't hear the outside. It's just you.
You can sit underwater and watch bubbles float up like jellyfish. At night, they shine silver. You can listen to the sounds they make as they hit each other, as you hit them, as they reach the surface, like tiny whispers of bells. You can watch them merge. You can watch the rainbow patterns of sunlight on the bottom of the pool, or reflected up to the umbrella. You can swim and follow the rainbows. You can change them with drops and splashes and waves. You can watch the patterns and circles and spheres of drops of water as you throw water in the air. You can float on your back and watch the sun through the leaves or the clouds in the sky, while the water covers your ears, leaving you in a blissfully silent world.
(We have a pool, so its usually empty and quiet. Or the loud is my loud or people whose loud I know so it is more ok than strangers' loud).
I like wearing sweatshirts and pants. I like feeling them on my skin. It makes me feel safe and seccure. But I hate being hot. So in summer I wear dresses and tank tops and shorts (usually not all at once. but sometimes, I suppose, since I often wear shorts under dresses). But then in summer my skin gets all tingly and I feel all floating away. I need to be weighed down.
But it is ok because summer is for swimming.
And swimming weighs you down.
(And swimming cools you down.)
In swimming, you are balanced. In swimming, you can feel the effects of your motion. You can feel the moving through the water. You can feel where your body is and feel how and when you move. When I swim, there is the joy of being completely even. My whole body can feel the same thing. It is a nice, even pressure, all over, even my face.
Summer is swimming.
Labels: autism, coping mechanism, me, sensory, stimming