Just so you know, there is swearing involved in this post. Well, actually, there is censored-out swearing involved that you can probably figure out.
I'm usually pretty careful with my word choices. So generally, I don't swear. There's a lot of reasons why.
Because the words you use determine the image people have of you, and that is important. And I've been taught that swearing, or at least indiscriminate swearing, can make people think that you are crude. Or rude. Or generally unpleasant. And even if this isn't entirely accurate (or if it isn't important or even true), I've also just been thoroughly taught not to swear. It upsets my mom and I do not like upsetting her.
Also, I have a really bad location-situation-filter. So the whole thing about code-switching, not something that happens for me. If I let a word enter my vocabulary, it will come out at bad times. In job interviews or when talking to my grandparents or babysitting. Especially swear words, because those are words that you use in times of emotion or without thinking quickly or when surprised or whatnot.
Also, most swear words I don't know the precise meaning of. Or if I do, the meaning doesn't usually seem to make sense with what I want to say. So it just seems a bit inaccurate to use them just for the shock value. Or---well, I don't really know what other reasons, since for me at least, it doesn't accurate express anything. (People who swear, why do you swear? I'm interested!)
But that is not the main reason I don't swear.
Most of the commonly used swear words have weird effects on me.
For instance, f***. (I started with the original word in there but just looking at it while editing hurt. So now it is censored, even though I think word censoring is sort of silly and we probably all know what this word is. But this way it doesn't hurt to look at. It just makes me keep looking for footnotes, which are nonexistent in this post). I hate that word. When I hear it, it is like my mouth is full of cardboard and there is cotton balls stuffed in my ears. I can feel the tiny cotton threads. And it takes a long time for that feeling to go away. It is physically painful. And some people throw that word around all the time.
And this is why I hate it when other people swear. Because it is physically painful. But I also don't want to be language police. Or control what other people say. And it's not because of fussy reasons, or whatever. People should be entitled to use whatever language they want to. They should be able to swear if they feel they need to.
But it is also physically painful.
And it is really hard to explain to people "please stop using that word, it hurts me" because it is not the meaning of the word that bothers me. It is the feeling of the word. So usually I ignore it. Or move away if I can. Or I will say something about the volume. Or maybe there are children present and I can point it out. (But I can't make up a fake reason to stop because that is FALSE.)
So if I ask you to stop swearing around me, that is probably why. The words hurt my ears (or my head or my mouth or my eyes or something) and to a level strong enough it overcomes my fear of confrontation/talking to other people.
Labels: me, my parents, rules, synesthesia, words