Right now, I need weekends.
And I need to do nothing on them.
I need the ability to sit in my bedroom all day.
To sleep and not talk to people.
It's trickier because weekends are also times for social activities. I want the people in my program to know that I like them. I want to go hang out with them and play card games and board games with them. (Because about half of the activities they plan seem to be these awesome activities like this that I can totally and not stressfully participate in).
But by the time Friday hits, I just NEED TO GO HOME. I need to sit in my room and change into my pjs and take a nap. Maybe watch some silly tv. Not talk to anyone.
And even with this, I am still melting down on weekends (and during the week).
And it's also even trickier because boyfriend works and lives in the same city, but also both sort of far away. And he is pretty busy during the week and can't really drop by after work unless he doesn't want to get home until super late, and he has to wake up super early. So weekends are the times I see him. Usually Saturday, which is good because by Saturday I have calmed down a bit and need less alone time.
I also usually meltdown in front of him at least once. And I feel bad about it, even though he tells me it's ok.
But maybe it is still just change stress. After all, it was the first week of classes (grad school started so late!) so maybe once I get a schedule and adjust o it and fit things in and get a routine, it will work better. And then maybe I won't need to hide all weekend (maybe just for some of it, which is cool, because time alone is good for me.)
Labels: autism, boyfriend, change, coping mechanism, grad school, me, meltdown, my brain, transitions