They said they couldn't tell...

They said they couldn't tell if I was autistic
because I was raised in a good environment
and went to a small school
and no birthday parties
a handful of very carefully chosen friends

middle school is tough for everyone

So yes I am so so so infinitely glad that my parents are wonderful
and that they raised me so well
but I'm confused how I can be so autistic now

And I'm good at repressing
And secrets
And hiding

(I never told anyone things that were wrong)
(I knew they were wrong, so why did I need to tell them?)

And still--with no official paper
I feel like I can't really tell
They have no reason to believe me

That I'm more than just an introvert

autistic autistic autistic

Now it is just an unofficial secret

I found a new world
Full of new people and vocabulary

Selective mutism
executive dysfunction

Everytime I struggle
I wonder if there was a reason they couldn't tell
and maybe I'm not trying hard enough

life is hard for everyone

How can they tell
that everyone isn't autistic?

Labels: , , , , , , , ,