boyfriend and I went back to our college
we walked around the lake
and I was distracted and happy
dashing around at daffodils and ducks
and the small purple flowers
and hidden spiderwebs
and stopped at our spot
the spot where we would go to sit out and watch the stars
the spot where we had our first kiss
the spot where he told me I was beautiful for the first time
(the first time anyone not-my-parents had ever told me that)
and we stopped and looked at the lake
and the ducks and the flowers
and then he got down on one knee
and asked me to marry him
And of course I said yes. And now it is the spot where we got engaged. Where we officially are going to tell people and start planning forevers. It's full of overwhelming happiness, of bounces and bubbly feelings and everything amazing.
This weekend I learned that it is not only despair that makes me lose my words. Overwhelming happiness can also do it. But I don't need words to express my happiness. There's happy-flappy, jumping, spinning. There's happiness everywhere. For maybe 10 minutes, I jumped up and down and flapped and hugged and spun. We couldn't put the ring on for the longest time because it would have flown right off my flapping hands. There's been days and days of "we're getting married" scripting and he always responds back with the right words.
And now I can spend forever with the one person who always is safe. Who watched me flap and spin happily all day and smiled. Who talked to people for me when I was too happy for words. Who makes the world make sense. Who never stops watching out for me and making sure that I am alright. Who scheduled quiet breaks into the day so that I wouldn't get overwhelmed. Who made sure when I got home that I slept and ate. Who drove home while I slept the whole drive because even overwhelming happy is exhausting. Who planned everything so amazingly wonderful. Who picked out a beautiful ring that I can wear underneath my gloves at work. With nothing poky, but with plenty of sparkly.
So right now my life is full of overwhelming happy.
Labels: autism, boyfriend, change, emotions